So I was going to start blogging again and then I forgot.

I have the memory of a gnat I am sure. I seem to forget everything from my husband's social security number, my kids last doctor visit, where I wrote down the last paycheck amount and if I moved the laundry out of the washer to the dryer. Somethings are silly like where I put the peanut butter knife down on the counter, or forgetting to get more soap out of the cabinet for the shower. Other things are really starting to bother me. Growth as a mom is my most pressing example. 

Today I didn't eat breakfast and I wanted to take a shower. That means I was grumpy but didn't know why and I had to corral the kids upstairs while I took a 30 nano second shower before they dismantled the heating system or reprogrammed the dish network. But I didn't tell them, "Ok, we are going upstairs so I can take a quick shower before we go to the Post Office". No, instead I kept telling them to go upstairs. They were playing with markers and saw it all as an option in life to obey me. I got really mad and raised my voice and put my son in a time out in his room and scared my daughter with my sarcastic words and mad voice.

As I turned I looked at the mirror and I heard God say (and you know this was God because I don't talk like this) " You are teaching her how to talk to you like that when she is 14." 

Gulp. I showered and then went and apologized to her. I got my son out of time out (his crib). We went to the Post office and whatnot. Even though I told my daughter twice that I should not have talked to her that way and I asked for forgiveness she still took quite the angry and defiant tone with me today a few times. So you can see we have to ground to reclaim. 

So what does this admission have to do with my memory? Everything actually. I worry I will forget this like I forget the cute things Rossy says right now. I don't want to forget that what I learned today when I am really irritated at the kids. I want to think about this BEFORE I talk. Frankly, I think I need a brain transplant at times so I can undo all the junk I've learned to do over the years. It seems more reasonable to start over then to reform what I already am. But that's another post I am sure. 

I hate that I forget.  Pray I remember.