Waiting and dying.
It occurred to me yesterday that waiting for the birth of your child is like waiting to die. At least, as I believe that I will have eternal life in heaven when I die, I think waiting for the birth of my child must mirror that passing. I don't say this as someone naive, as I clearly recall my mother's death when I was 19. I've already had one child, so I feel confident to make the comparison.
I distinctly remember the moment my prayers shifted from "heal my mother from all cancer and pain" to "please make her passage to heaven as best as it can be, just make it happen quickly." There was the realization that the cancer WAS her end and it wasn't kind to ask for more time out of her struggling body. We were somewhat resigned to her passing, as you are never ready for the death, only planning for it. I believe my mother professed the same beliefs I hold and that her soul was going to heaven when she died. My belief is that she is out of pain, in a new body and is completely happy and full of joy. To get to that place, I had to pray for her cancer to take her life. So I prayed in that vein in the end, so my mother wouldn't suffer any longer than necessary. The nearly intolerable pain I knew she was in made the end result desirable.
Which reminds me of birth.
I remember that moment it dawned on me that I had only one single choice in life, and it was to go through a hellish amount of pain. It was the only way to get my baby out of my body and be released from the physical pain of childbirth. I think I had somehow deluded myself to thinking I would have some other option...some get out of childbirth pain-free option. Which seems silly now, but I am apt to think many other women have fooled themselves the same way.
You realize in that moment that the pain brings about the joy of parenthood, the joy of a new life taking breath, The indescribable happiness of meeting your child face to face. It is the new beginning after a long and painful journey. So you pray for the pain in order to get to the joy.
I am waiting for the pain, praying for the pain to begin in order to get to the completion of my joy to see my son face to face. Just like I will someday wait for the pain, pray for the pain to meet my death to complete my joy and meet my God and family in heaven...face to face.
I distinctly remember the moment my prayers shifted from "heal my mother from all cancer and pain" to "please make her passage to heaven as best as it can be, just make it happen quickly." There was the realization that the cancer WAS her end and it wasn't kind to ask for more time out of her struggling body. We were somewhat resigned to her passing, as you are never ready for the death, only planning for it. I believe my mother professed the same beliefs I hold and that her soul was going to heaven when she died. My belief is that she is out of pain, in a new body and is completely happy and full of joy. To get to that place, I had to pray for her cancer to take her life. So I prayed in that vein in the end, so my mother wouldn't suffer any longer than necessary. The nearly intolerable pain I knew she was in made the end result desirable.
Which reminds me of birth.
I remember that moment it dawned on me that I had only one single choice in life, and it was to go through a hellish amount of pain. It was the only way to get my baby out of my body and be released from the physical pain of childbirth. I think I had somehow deluded myself to thinking I would have some other option...some get out of childbirth pain-free option. Which seems silly now, but I am apt to think many other women have fooled themselves the same way.
You realize in that moment that the pain brings about the joy of parenthood, the joy of a new life taking breath, The indescribable happiness of meeting your child face to face. It is the new beginning after a long and painful journey. So you pray for the pain in order to get to the joy.
I am waiting for the pain, praying for the pain to begin in order to get to the completion of my joy to see my son face to face. Just like I will someday wait for the pain, pray for the pain to meet my death to complete my joy and meet my God and family in heaven...face to face.
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How much hair will this little one have?
About hair. Cutting bangs is a bit dicey on little ones. With Em I set her up with a video she loved but hadn't seen forever, and then started in. I didn't cut straight across, but tapered them a bit down the sides.
Speaking of Em, right now she is singing something while taking a shower. She won't stop even while she is drying off, getting jammies on, and while brushing her teeth. I'm trying to eat up these moments with a big giant spoon.
The boys are off at a mid school thing chasing other young teens with giant pool noodles and bapping them on the head before throwing air planes off the roof of the church. Jeff walked out the door with a bandana tied around his head. Some things, blessedly, never change.