My Friend has a Mental Illness
I don't know how to be her friend is the real problem. How do you befriend and stay friends with a person with an undiagnosed, or unrecognized illness? If they can't or won't admit they need help and persist in crazy-making behavior? How do you stay in a friendship when your friend just runs everyone into a frenzy all the time? How do you stay friends when she actually goes so far as to fabricate offenses (though, they are real to her) when the offender isn't even involved?
What on earth do I do?
I once had another friend (actually two now that I think about it) who had a mental illness. I don't mean they were psychotic or dangerous, but they were relatively well functioning people in my social circle. I think I made some VERY serious mistakes with both of them and I can see how my compliance furthered their illness. So in light of those mistakes I desperately want to make the right decisions with my new friend so I don't enable her crazy-making behavior.
I am seriously tempted to write her a long e-mail detailing that I think she needs to get to the heart of her issue that is manifesting in myriad ways. She is creating utter chaos all around her so that she can avoid what the REAL cause of her pain. I've seen this before and this type of drama-trauma behavior only shouts "I must make everything an argument, and make everyone else to blame because I can't stand myself. I cannot focus on myself for one single minute lest my pain swallow me whole". It is the classic victim mentality and it's old, tiring and a great farce.
I can't respond to her allegations any longer because she really doesn't want to listen. She is usually devising her next accusation and won't listen to reason or logic. Those two just won't help her cause of portraying herself as the center of the universe and worthy of all attention and sympathy.
She is a really sweet person and I like her very much. She makes me laugh and I think she is interesting on many levels. I want to be her friend, I just think telling her the truth in love will end our friendship.
5 years ago that wasn't a risk I was I willing to take, but today I am. I would rather be loving, behave in a right manner and be disliked then the other way around.
What on earth do I do?
I once had another friend (actually two now that I think about it) who had a mental illness. I don't mean they were psychotic or dangerous, but they were relatively well functioning people in my social circle. I think I made some VERY serious mistakes with both of them and I can see how my compliance furthered their illness. So in light of those mistakes I desperately want to make the right decisions with my new friend so I don't enable her crazy-making behavior.
I am seriously tempted to write her a long e-mail detailing that I think she needs to get to the heart of her issue that is manifesting in myriad ways. She is creating utter chaos all around her so that she can avoid what the REAL cause of her pain. I've seen this before and this type of drama-trauma behavior only shouts "I must make everything an argument, and make everyone else to blame because I can't stand myself. I cannot focus on myself for one single minute lest my pain swallow me whole". It is the classic victim mentality and it's old, tiring and a great farce.
I can't respond to her allegations any longer because she really doesn't want to listen. She is usually devising her next accusation and won't listen to reason or logic. Those two just won't help her cause of portraying herself as the center of the universe and worthy of all attention and sympathy.
She is a really sweet person and I like her very much. She makes me laugh and I think she is interesting on many levels. I want to be her friend, I just think telling her the truth in love will end our friendship.
5 years ago that wasn't a risk I was I willing to take, but today I am. I would rather be loving, behave in a right manner and be disliked then the other way around.
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